I'm certain this departure is coming completely out of left field for some, and I myself did not expect to make this decision anytime soon, nor is it a decision that I am making with pleasure. Many might be confused on the circumstances that contributed to this decision. Did I get banned from the game? No. Did I get hacked and lose my account and all of my valued possessions? No. Get ready for a tl;dr read-in...
As of a recent staff meeting that occurred yesterday, a multitude of things were discussed (most of which I don't know, most of which isn't my business, and most I wouldn't be at liberty to disclose anyhow), and included in the discussions was the people currently representing every facet of PWO. The IRC, recently being made official an official aspect of PWO, was brought up, and it was deemed that me holding a major position on IRC staff reflected negatively on PWO as a whole, and thus I was removed from half-op on short notice. Additionally, my rank as an editor on the wiki (a wiki staff position that grants a few administrative privileges) was also removed today, as it was decided that the PWO Wiki is a website officially being associated with PWO. To elaborate further on "my history", I was IP banned numerous times in my early days (from mid-to-late-2009 to mid-2010 or so) for main infractions of trolling/ban-evading (needless to say, all of which I have regretted for years). Despite serving diligently as IRC staff for nearly a year and actively contributing to the wiki for a while, some believe that it'd be a liability for a player who has been banned multiple times to hold any "pseudo-staff position" in either aspects, which have integrated as an official part of PWO.
Is their current stance reasonable on me? That's a controversial question. Ever since I was appointed as IRC staff, there were mixed opinions on me from those who were aware of my past; some were willing to shrug off my wrongdoings in the past because of the betterment of my behavior, some openly objected to it, and some admired the drastic changes in my behavior. I have gradually, but drastically, matured and remedied my behavior over the years; and despite a large degree and countless repeatings of my trolling behavior in the past, I believe my positive behavior has overall outweighed my negative behavior in the past. Does that redeem myself for all of my past offenses? Without having an arrogant complex, I can state that many, many members - players and staff alike - would agree on that notion. However, from a psychological standpoint, I can assume that I left some very hard first impressions, namely on those who hold a high position on PWO's staff hierarchy, which have carried on to the staff's current stance on me. I am not omnipotent on verbally persuading their opinion on me, and even though actions speak louder than words, it evidently failed to change their stance as well, despite many, many months of proving to genuinely demonstrate positive behavior.
I just find little reason to dedicate my time to this community after how I was treated. Albeit, I was a major nuisance in my early days, and I did sincerely appreciate that they were willing to overlook my past, after my behavior drastically changed for the better, and that they were willing to remove my IP ban, as well as giving me an IRC staff position and a wiki staff position (meh, run-on sentences). However, regardless of the majority of the staff's stance on me, there always has and always will be some staff members resentful of my past, so much to an extent that I could behave like a goody two shoe for 5 consecutive years and fail to ultimately alter their stance on me. I certainly can not do the impossible and travel back in time to undo what warranted my past bans and give myself a clean slate. I can continue to demonstrate above-standard behavior in the upcoming years, but if they can never overlook my past despite how positively I behaved in the years following my last ban (which happened in mid-2010), it's impossible for any amount of good I do to outweigh the bad I previously did, from their perspective.
Although providing that as my incentive to leave the game may convey that my sole intention of leaving is nothing more than a selfish lust for power, there is more to that. Honestly, I do not care about being stripped of my pseudo-staff positions as much as the abrupt manner in which they were done. My main motivation to perform my duties as IRC/wiki staff was to some pressure off of those higher ups who give it their all to contribute to the project, and at least divide some of the work. Furthermore, as I majorly matured, I felt more guilty/regretful about how I acted out of line in the past, and that I owed PWO for damage done by showing my true self and doing good by whatever task I can. After my removal from IRC/wiki staff, it just felt like a horrid act of betrayal from some of the staff members.
Despite some staff member's claims of them appreciating what I do, and stating that I am more than welcome to be apart of this community, I just have trouble bringing myself to believe it at this point. I won't deny that there are some staff members are very appreciative for those who make whatever contributions they can. However, this abrupt demotion just reinforces my belief that some staff member's stance against me is set in stone, and is not subject to change regardless of how big of a portion of good history my overall history consists of, due to the bad history early on.
I apologize if I come off as arrogant, selfish, antagonistic, or in anyway uncivilized in this post. I am not trying to cause a rift or grounds for a flame war. I am simply expressing my honest feelings on this matter.
This has honestly been my favorite online community, and I can not realistically envision myself losing touch with it completely. I will still idle around the IRC and a certain guild Xat, and I will semi-inactively lurk the forums. I still hope for the project to prosper, and I will periodically log in game to check out new updates/events, but I don't feel like playing regularly again anytime soon.
I suppose it's time to focus on real world tasks more, with my new semester of college coming up in a few weeks, among other things. It's time to adopt a more serious approach to my studies in college, as well as continuing to hunt for a better part-time job, doing more constructive/prodoctive activities, and possibly finding another project to contribute to that will appreciate my work more. As for my former IRC Staff and wiki duties, I just hope that the void can easily be filled in.
I truly do wish PWO and its community the best. I just don't feel like I have much business here anymore, because what recently happened tells me that not much will change at all regarding the staff's stance on me, despite how much time I dedicated in the last year or so. I still hope to keep in touch with a lot of you~
As of a recent staff meeting that occurred yesterday, a multitude of things were discussed (most of which I don't know, most of which isn't my business, and most I wouldn't be at liberty to disclose anyhow), and included in the discussions was the people currently representing every facet of PWO. The IRC, recently being made official an official aspect of PWO, was brought up, and it was deemed that me holding a major position on IRC staff reflected negatively on PWO as a whole, and thus I was removed from half-op on short notice. Additionally, my rank as an editor on the wiki (a wiki staff position that grants a few administrative privileges) was also removed today, as it was decided that the PWO Wiki is a website officially being associated with PWO. To elaborate further on "my history", I was IP banned numerous times in my early days (from mid-to-late-2009 to mid-2010 or so) for main infractions of trolling/ban-evading (needless to say, all of which I have regretted for years). Despite serving diligently as IRC staff for nearly a year and actively contributing to the wiki for a while, some believe that it'd be a liability for a player who has been banned multiple times to hold any "pseudo-staff position" in either aspects, which have integrated as an official part of PWO.
Is their current stance reasonable on me? That's a controversial question. Ever since I was appointed as IRC staff, there were mixed opinions on me from those who were aware of my past; some were willing to shrug off my wrongdoings in the past because of the betterment of my behavior, some openly objected to it, and some admired the drastic changes in my behavior. I have gradually, but drastically, matured and remedied my behavior over the years; and despite a large degree and countless repeatings of my trolling behavior in the past, I believe my positive behavior has overall outweighed my negative behavior in the past. Does that redeem myself for all of my past offenses? Without having an arrogant complex, I can state that many, many members - players and staff alike - would agree on that notion. However, from a psychological standpoint, I can assume that I left some very hard first impressions, namely on those who hold a high position on PWO's staff hierarchy, which have carried on to the staff's current stance on me. I am not omnipotent on verbally persuading their opinion on me, and even though actions speak louder than words, it evidently failed to change their stance as well, despite many, many months of proving to genuinely demonstrate positive behavior.
I just find little reason to dedicate my time to this community after how I was treated. Albeit, I was a major nuisance in my early days, and I did sincerely appreciate that they were willing to overlook my past, after my behavior drastically changed for the better, and that they were willing to remove my IP ban, as well as giving me an IRC staff position and a wiki staff position (meh, run-on sentences). However, regardless of the majority of the staff's stance on me, there always has and always will be some staff members resentful of my past, so much to an extent that I could behave like a goody two shoe for 5 consecutive years and fail to ultimately alter their stance on me. I certainly can not do the impossible and travel back in time to undo what warranted my past bans and give myself a clean slate. I can continue to demonstrate above-standard behavior in the upcoming years, but if they can never overlook my past despite how positively I behaved in the years following my last ban (which happened in mid-2010), it's impossible for any amount of good I do to outweigh the bad I previously did, from their perspective.
Although providing that as my incentive to leave the game may convey that my sole intention of leaving is nothing more than a selfish lust for power, there is more to that. Honestly, I do not care about being stripped of my pseudo-staff positions as much as the abrupt manner in which they were done. My main motivation to perform my duties as IRC/wiki staff was to some pressure off of those higher ups who give it their all to contribute to the project, and at least divide some of the work. Furthermore, as I majorly matured, I felt more guilty/regretful about how I acted out of line in the past, and that I owed PWO for damage done by showing my true self and doing good by whatever task I can. After my removal from IRC/wiki staff, it just felt like a horrid act of betrayal from some of the staff members.
Despite some staff member's claims of them appreciating what I do, and stating that I am more than welcome to be apart of this community, I just have trouble bringing myself to believe it at this point. I won't deny that there are some staff members are very appreciative for those who make whatever contributions they can. However, this abrupt demotion just reinforces my belief that some staff member's stance against me is set in stone, and is not subject to change regardless of how big of a portion of good history my overall history consists of, due to the bad history early on.
I apologize if I come off as arrogant, selfish, antagonistic, or in anyway uncivilized in this post. I am not trying to cause a rift or grounds for a flame war. I am simply expressing my honest feelings on this matter.
This has honestly been my favorite online community, and I can not realistically envision myself losing touch with it completely. I will still idle around the IRC and a certain guild Xat, and I will semi-inactively lurk the forums. I still hope for the project to prosper, and I will periodically log in game to check out new updates/events, but I don't feel like playing regularly again anytime soon.
I suppose it's time to focus on real world tasks more, with my new semester of college coming up in a few weeks, among other things. It's time to adopt a more serious approach to my studies in college, as well as continuing to hunt for a better part-time job, doing more constructive/prodoctive activities, and possibly finding another project to contribute to that will appreciate my work more. As for my former IRC Staff and wiki duties, I just hope that the void can easily be filled in.
I truly do wish PWO and its community the best. I just don't feel like I have much business here anymore, because what recently happened tells me that not much will change at all regarding the staff's stance on me, despite how much time I dedicated in the last year or so. I still hope to keep in touch with a lot of you~
